Thursday, January 31, 2008

Pause with hope

I need to pause for a while . I will not be writing for the next 3 days .
I need to thank all the guests who have visited this internet home of mine.
These small gaps , like silences between words rejuvinate .
Hopefully ,

Ciao ,


Heaven is after all ........

No creativity ,
no freedom .
All I seek is
this seemingly
dull rhythm
repeating itself
day after day
in the four walls ;
this single minded
existence too
is another
name for heaven .

Heaven is
after all
a state of mind .



Past must be remembered
for the lessons it has taught .


Something with me

It's like
sleep walking
in full wakefulness
it is like being
high on sparkle
of life ,
it's like life
reaching out to life ,
it's there
in mellowed hues,
drawn with pastels ,
hiding quietly
in satin translucency ,
it's something
you can't
lay your fingers on ,
you want to speak about ,
but cannot ,
it is something
with me
all the time
knowing it .


Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Let me not sing today

Let me not sing today ,
lest I disturb
hope , love and peace
which have made homes
in my heart and are
lost in blissful sleep .


Detachment ?

Is detachment lack of attachment ?
I am trying to get back to my teenaged detached self .

Detached to people at a personal level.

More attached to the essence of life ?

Still to ponder .


Into silence

Strange are the ways
in which we communicate ,
as though mystery is
a necessity
for the scripting
of each letter , word ,
phrase and line ,
like a song in it's last line ,
into silence .


Day after

What are the words ,feelings ,
thoughts and deeds
that remain fresh
the day after
the day
and after ... ?

I hold them close
and march on
into tomorrow .


Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Do you see ?

I imagine
playing with each other .
Do you see the flowers
changing colors ?
Do you see
the flowers bloom ?


I will keep trying

To touch that chord of learning , thinking , reflecting -
I attempted , with some success and some failure .
I will keep trying .


Monday, January 28, 2008

Maithri's words

These words from Maithri's blog have set me thinking .......

"That it will stir us from our complacent, insulated, cloistered existence... to see, to touch, to reach out to God in all His distressing disguises throughout this beautiful broken world.By all means let us think love, talk it, write it... But may we also remember that the love letter that is never translated into the language of action, remains unopened." Sending you the love that changes things,Maithri.

I hope I can fulfill them

More responsibilities ,
I hope I can fulfill them .


Life is asking for more

I need to seriously
look at the concept
of "active love"
which I came across
in Maithri's blog.

To express love
in giving back to life.
There are
hearts to be healed ,
bridges to be built ,
hands to be held
everywhere .

Life is asking
for more ......


Good day

Another day.
Good .
Happy to be in my home.


Sunday, January 27, 2008

To you

I have often
talked about dawn
sky , stars ,
but not about the one
who brought
them all
to me
on wings
of words .

This one is for you
and only you ,
hoping that it
will warm your skies .



It's dawn again
so many feelings reeling
inside ,
sky is slowly
changing colors ,
warming my heart .


Quiet grief

I imagine grief
to be a grey
translucent curtain .
If it has to fall on
the drama
of my life
so be it ,
but , quietly ,
in peace .



I need to build this quality in ample measure in myself.
I don't deserve it , but it is just good fortune that I have
friends with loads and loads of it .
I am grateful to one and all .



Preparing myself mentally for a
long period of separation .
With infinite hope.
It is not just hope .
I know that there would be
peace at the end of this dry spell .


Saturday, January 26, 2008


Finally I found a personality who
is inspiring me with each and every
word written .
Words are not words but are
essence of life lived .
I have bookmarked the blog
"The soaring impulse " .
I have found my calling .


Peace that falls with grief

There is a certain peace
that falls with grief:
the first hush of snow,
still life before the cold.
It strips us bare,
wraps us in its fold
singing whispers.

(Victoria Bennett, 2007)

Something I always believed in -

that there is a certain peace that falls with grief.

Happy to listen to somebody else say it -
Oh so beautifully .


From strength to strength

Every now and then
I need to sift
the contents
of my mind
through a sieve
of good sense
and retain
only those
let me grow
from strength to
greater strength .


Peace within

A few seconds
off myself ,
of my surface self ,
I tune in my eyes ,
ears , mind
to listen
to the peace within .


Here to stay

These waves
that invade the shores
of my heart ,
with agony
and an ambition
to reach the sky ,
these waves
which play
with the shore
and keep on
playing with it ,
till the end of
all ends ,
are here
to stay .

And I am here
listening to them
quietly .


A fable in my palm

In one of my journeys
into an antique land ,
I found a stone ,
which didn't really seem
to be interesting
at a first glance .
I don't know why I picked it up ,
held it in my hand , in the middle of my palm ,
with my gaze
travelling beyond known realms .
A short spell of dizziness ,
felt as though
someone was holding and opening
the palm that held the stone .
The stone began to turn slowly
in the softness of my palm ,
parts of it melted
in the warmth of my hand ,
the part liquid -solid spaces
arranged , rearranged
till it magically
became a poem ,
an enchanting ,
never ending poem ,
in a language
totally unknown ,
yet tugging at my heart
and filling it ,
overflowing it
with a yearning unknown ,
unheard and unseen ,
leaving me with no option
but to watch it
turn and turn
in the warmth
of my palm .


About "self"

Just to clarify , I am not a poet . I am not a professional writer .
I write just for pleasure . I weave imagination with personal
reflections . Basically I am a very boring person who has been
fortunate to be gifted with an understanding and loving spouse ,
two children , many members of extended family
and dear friends . All these bonds are for life .
That is the way I am . That is the way they are.
My bond with internet however is turbulent .
It does charm with a bit of magic and the freedom to play with
the words .
A story is always simmering in my head and I just put down
the twists and turns for me to weave at leisure later.
Primarily for myself .
There is a bit of hurry in my writing because of the way my
life is . Some day I will write unhurriedly . May be .



Having cleared all
with words ,
harsh and reflective ,
soft and loving ,
I feel free
totally free
to bless you
and leave .



in the breeze .
All the three colors
on the wind
in concentric circles .


Friday, January 25, 2008

Towards positivity

I don't believe in the concept of sin
but if at all there is a sin
it is to forgive
the lies and deception
that we face sometimes .
No , don't have to
turn bitter ,
or disillusionsed,
be angelic
to rest of the world .
Pick up the memories
of just those persons
for the deception ,
burn them
burying them .

This is the first
step towards
positivity .


Why not invite it ?

Why be afraid
of death ?
Why be afraid
of mourning ?
Why always seek
greener pastures ?
Grey is a color
that brings rain .
Grey is a color
that brings life
with it's own death .

Why not invite it ?
Why not accept it
as your own ?



Time to turn inward
and explore strengths
within .



Call it motive ,
refine a bit and
call it purpose ,
it served you well
in keeping the
fountain of words
alive ,
so will it be
with the end ,
ambition knows no end ,
even in it's
most cherished
moments .


To wait

I am trying hard to convince myself that the next five months
will be the time to introspect . Time to strengthen my personal ,
professional footholds . Time to wait with patience for the
five months to pass so that I can live , once again .


Grand finale

Genesis of the Grand finale
was right at the begining
of all beginings ,
life was poured
into it
in a series of
untruths and
unexpected twists ,
it was only a wait for
a normal , quiet
natural and peaceful end
that prolonged
the asymptotic fall
a little further ,
till now ,
the final moment ,
a moment of
peace ,
well deserved peace .


Thursday, January 24, 2008


A precious presence
a constant companionship
of a quarter century ,
life wouldn't be life ,
without you .



Aren't we truly
that we can forget
all that was
without forgiving .
Oh , the sweet
after relinquishing
all the moss
gathering dust ......



Too tired to say anything more than a hello .
Akash-smriti is like a home .
It makes me feel happy
to be here ,
even if it is only for a few seconds ,
even if it is only to say hello .
It opens the sky ,
sun , moon and stars
on my mind-screen ,
and lifts me
till there
till the fingers dance
on the keyboard
and feet tap in rhythm ,
mind cleared of all
thoughts ,
heart cleared
of all feelings ,
except a silent scream ,
calling out
the innocent and the wild
with a Big , really big


Wednesday, January 23, 2008


Feels like ages
the wait here
at the door ,
at the entrance to
innumerable labyrinths .
each fading gracefully
into another ,
a grandeur of illusions
sought after
with a churning deep inside
to be lost
truly lost ,
in it's absolutely defiant ,
darkly radiant
glow .
Hold on ,
I am still hesitant ,
I am still turbulent
in the indecision ,
immersed deeply
in my love
for the concept of it
to step forward
into it .


Eyes closed

What is the image that
comes to my mind
when I close my eyes ?

Amidst colorful floaters
that line the eye-horizon ,
there is a water fall ,
mysterious ,
with many tiny , tiny
of life giving elixir
breaking ,
breaking free ,
at the onset of light's
journey into
many , many
cosmic realms
contained in it ,
like a flower
with million petals
always in bloom ,

touching me ,
on my eyes .


Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Once again

I tread softly
on my toes
in the new gush of breeze
speaking only to me ,
with a trust
not felt before ,
in the middle
of a desert
rocked by mirages
once again .


Spring in winter

An exploration ,
a discovery ,
with an unfamiliar
care, respect ,
to persevere
to preserve
this freshness
of spring ,
an unexpected
before the end
of winter .


From out there

A tune , melodious
seeps in
from somewhere there ,
a hand stretches
in compassion ,
in need ,
in prayer,
in an understanding
of the abstraction
that is me .


Thanks to survival instincts

Thanks to survival instincts
life is getting normal ,
like two years ago ,
and another two before ,
feels like the
wheel of time
has turned a circle ,
a full circle ,
bringing every little thing
back to where it was .


Monday, January 21, 2008

Looking for innocence ?

Looking for innocence ,
truth , or beauty ?
No , not in these
secure corridors with
painted mask ,
so many masks ,
where innocence
is just an option kept open
for it's face value ,
beauty is a veil
to hide their weaknesses ,
truth is a duality
which defects with the wind .
If you are serious ,
take the backpack ,
get up ,
go out into those
dimly lit , dark paths
where the struggle
for light
is a stark ,
and compulsive
truth ,
beauty and innocence
are not spoken of
but are the very
essence .


To be it

Ask not the ocean
why it is so agitated ,
ask not the waves
why they can't be still ,
you who tries
to define ,
contain ,
this energy
think , feel
and hear silently ,
what it says ,
what it's waves say
on a quiet
moonlit night ,
no eloquent praises ,
no ecstatic exchanges ,
no talking down ,
no preaching ,
sit down quietly
with it
to be it .



There is beauty in
fleetingness of the moment ,
it has gone forever
and don't,
don't call it back , ever.
Can one rebel
against death ?
One can only
respect it .


Seeking growth

I seem to be
seeking growth
with a vengeance
as though I want to
make up
for lost time ,
as though
I want to
make up
for life lost .

Why don't I
see losing also
as learning ,
and growth ?


Still trying

To discover that there is as much joy
inside the four walls as out there
in the breeze , sun , moon , wind and water ,
to accept each gift for it's own worth ,
to live life on one's own terms ,
to let everyone live on their own terms ,
and leave the unnecessary ..........
still trying to do all these .


Sunday, January 20, 2008

Again and again

I crawl like a child , like a baby ,
with a charming glint in my eyes
and a quickening pace in my feet
when I know my mother
is coming to catch me,
I love that little random freedom to explore
endless mysteries of the world ,
but soon I run back
to the secure warmth of her lap ,
rush back for a hug , a kiss ,
only to get back to wandering
again and again .
The day my mother is away ,
my heart and mind
know only the grief
of my separation from her ,
I stay still in my crib
eager to feel her warmth
and again .



A haunting story of rebirth , love , misunderstanding , pain , more pain .
I do not believe in rebirth . But the story haunts me .
Rebirth of a courtesan - her marriage - a chance visit
to an ancient monument - haunted by intense visions -
of life which was buried forever .
Could be painful for everyone around . I wouldn't want to be
subjected to such torture. Must admit that it is a brilliant theme for a film .
A brilliant film too.



I pray that I do things right .
I pray that I don't hurt anyone unnecessarily.
I pray for you and yours , me and mine , and all.


Cracks in the thatched roof

Memories of my grand mother's home are beautiful .
We usually visited her during summer holidays.
Time to idle away in her affection , home made goodies
and fresh from garden mangoes.
Watching sunlight seep through cracks in her
thatched roof was one of my favorite pastimes .
As I tilted my head , light hid itself -
we - me and light played hide and seek for hours .


Saturday, January 19, 2008

How they grow !

It was really a pleasant surprise when my younger son uttered
this word , "commitment" yesterday.He was making an observation about himself .
He was working with more commitment than before .
Indeed he was . On his own free will .........

How they grow !


Stop , now

You are right
I want you to
erase every single
memory ,
and stop it's
right now ,
if not life ,
at least
death .

I am on a mission
of wiping away
the last dust particle
on the mirror ,
I am on a mission
of cleansing
trodden paths
of false footprints ,
unstoppable ,
unforgiving ,
till the very end .



This year brought in lot of changes with it.
I am reorganizing life accordingly.
Hence so many posts .
I believe that each change brings in some good with it.
I am hopeful .


Respect atleast in their burial

The gift of life
was delicate ,
beautiful ,
vulnerable ,
was never appreciated
sufficiently ,
empty words
could not ensure
it's safety ,
if it is broken
into pieces
which can never
be rejoined ,
sense dictates
that the pieces be given
respect atleast
in their burial ;
And get on with life
as though
nothing has happened ,
without any further delay .
A respectful death
is everyone's right.


World on their shoulders

By natural inclination and aptitude
I am a doer . I prefer to be one .
I take recourse to words only
when I cannot do what I like .
I appreciate doers - the quiet doers.
The wheels of the world run on their
shoulders .



It is only natural that in any rebuilding
one has to demolish a part of the past
which restrained one's growth -
I found this to be essential to grow
in any meaningful way .
Rebuilding can only start after removal
of growth constraints.
One needs to be perceptive in identifying
the constraints . Some factors which look
like growth promoters may actually work
the other way round .
It needs a few situations to identify
these tricky constraints .


Me , me and me

It is o.k. to have "me" as the only priority .
To consolidate the positive changes that I
have made in my life .
To see myself as strength personified .


Friday, January 18, 2008


we arrive at the
steady state of the interiors,
we have to pass through
the transient surface waves
which rock the boat
in short spans and
intense spasms .
Succumb ?
No way ,
not after all
the effort ,
not when the mind is
steadfast on
lasting peace .



Now that I have gone through
the highs and lows
that was my due ,
I am ready for this
well deserved rest
in a safe , quiet grove ,
and hibernate
in peace .



When someone is grief stricken , do words help ?
Does it help to know that someone is ready to share the grief ?
What else can help ?



I really cannot call myself either believer or non-believer .
I am there somewhere in the confusion .

I cannot really comprehend what happened today .
She had to cross my seat to go ahead to her place .
For a brief while she held my hand as though she needed the support.
I am sure she was aware of my own need for it .
I still do not know if it was serendipity or not ,
but the cool touch of her frail hand stayed with me ,
like a part of my own self which loves me , guides me
and makes me aware of my own strengths.
It was the hand of -
someone beautiful ,
someone committed ,
someone humane ,
someone with the depth of an ocean ,
patience of a mountain ,
with a truly divine touch .


Thursday, January 17, 2008

Mint in my balcony

About an year and a half ago , I planted a few dried twigs of
Pudina(mint) in a small pot . They came alive with regular care.
There are two pots filled with them .
My balcony is fragrant.



There is always a pleasantness associated with the thought of tomorrow .
Yet another chance to do everything in a little better way than yesterday .
Yet another view of the sky , to savor and lose oneself in .
A hope blending with an eagerness to live a full and meaningful life .


A new song

No mood for breeze today ,
I closed all the windows ,
it is strangely cosy inside
the warmth of my room ,
walls all around me
strong secure walls ,
protecting me
from sun , harsh wind and rain ,
and surprise of surprises ,
there was a new song
playing on the old gramophone ,
in a soft and soothing tone ........
you have never really left home ......
you can never .

Indeed I have never .



Having said what one wanted to say ,
having done what one wanted to do ,
it is so peaceful to sit watching
the setting sun go down the horizon .

Just a slight regret flickering
in my mind ,
if only it had been done a year ago !
If only ......


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

These empty boxes

These empty boxes
that house the
chronicles of the past
have been closed for good .
Do me a favor ,
let them be that way ,
if possible
help me
send them
on the waves of the oceans
to space-times
of no return ,
freeing us
forever .


On my own

Yes .
I am flying beyond the allure of moon
and the blazing hot fires of sun ,
on my very own wings ,
with gratitude for all
but enslaved to none .

I am on my own .


Summer in the air

The smell of summer takes me back to childhood days ,
sleeping under the motherly mango tree
with the smell of jasmine flowers in my hair ,
blissfully restful in the breeze ,
unaware of the turmoil that was going to set in .


A taste I trust

I only trust the taste of
nicely mixed curd , rice and salt
accompanied by a pickle of
lime , chillie or raw mango ,
followed by a hot cup of
strong filtered coffee .

Summer is surely in the air .


Optical illusion

Over a period of time ,
the rough edges of stones we walk on
become smoother
than the charming view
of unknown distant hills .
Distant hills
can only be for
long distance view ;
their smoothness is
an optical illusion
and a half truth .

Some optical illusions
are delightful though
as long as we know they
are illusions .
Music too is
an illusion of
sense of hearing ;
a strange thought !


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The chosen ones

For the likes of us
who are hijacked by the imaginary ,
who are always elsewhere ,
in the high tides of a troubled ocean ,
in the raging fires of a secluded forest ,
in the red that breaks in the sky before sunset ,
I have this to say ,
wherever you are , celebrate your life
to the fullest ,
you are the chosen one ;
not everyone is gifted
these rare , priceless
intimacies with
the wonder that is nature .


Monday, January 14, 2008

As the fingers tap

It takes so little to create music ,
to fill the emptiness that sets in at times ,
I look a little beyond the brown of my table ,
walk across to the balcony ,
fingers tapping in rhythm with the feet ,
to a slow redolent beat ,
of a tune searching for it's form .


Black and white

It's a pleasure to watch these old black and white classics .
Clarity , agony , ecstasy , lilting romance , subtle sorrow ,all
blended with intensity , music , in plain , simple black and white .


Sunday, January 13, 2008

I have nothing more to say

I have nothing more to say ,
to write or to sing ,
it is one of the rare days
when all I want to do
is to stay indoors ,
and listen to sound of
falling rain .


As the curtains fell

As the curtains fell ,
the lights dimmed ,
I took one last look
at the stage ,
action , drama , intrigue
fading away into the night ,
turned and walked
towards home .


Saturday, January 12, 2008

The new face of hope

History is yet to be written ,
and it is for you ,me and us to write it .
This is the new face of hope .


Beauty ?

Here where we live
in and out of
faceless days ,
beauty and the ugly
are inextricably
linked ;
to try to see
only one of them in isolation
could cut open
the tender fibres
that build life .


Drop by drop

It has been a long journey
all the way from sky ,
where clouds formed
only to scatter
with dust , smoke ,
occasional sunshine
across all that
earth could ever paint ,
until all that
remained was only
frozen snow ,
which melted
drop by drop ,
drifting towards
an unknown
destination ,
through layers of
trust and distrust ,
respect and disrespect,
with an ultra-alert responsiveness
to the undulating
and harsh terrain
of earth .


Thursday, January 10, 2008


If there is anything
constant in these
daily transitions
from the darkness of night to dawn ,
it is the urge ,
the need ,
the effort ,
and struggle
to renew itself
layer by layer ,
until each and every
subatomic space
is cleansed ,
and is once again
with light ,
with life .


True devotion

True devotion
does not seek attention ;
that which seeks attention
is not devotion .

Devotion is peace .

Devotion need not be to God alone -
could be to work ,
to humanity ,
to country ,
to family ......

to a sense of right and wrong in you ,

any others .....


Wednesday, January 9, 2008


remains unpainted
even in imagination ,
paints are just being mixed up
to see atleast one new color ,
brush is being dusted
for yet another fine stroke ,
with the promise of a
super suspense mystery ,
with plenty of
white doves
flying unfettered .


Converging echos

Convergence of these silent echos
can only be heard in the
holy and gray landscape
of their impending death ,
a death of all that is
fragile , black and bleak,
a death of all that is
wavering and wilting ,
a death of all that is
shifting shores by the second ,
a death of all that
exists only in enchanting words ,

so that life can sprout once again ,
in utter silence .


Human angels

I have learnt a new word today.
I have met one today.A human angel.
There are so many of them .
All around us .
Truth is that there is enormous goodness around.


Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Ambivalent about history

Are we allowing ourselves to be held captive by history ?

Is it so difficult to keep only the necessary ,
erase the unnecessary ,
and start on a clean slate ?

Just a question to mull over carefully .


Happy to be

I have often wondered why I pursue
melancholic paths .
It is paradoxical , but I do feel
happy and contented in them .
I am possessive of them.

Perhaps because they are exclusively
mine ,

and let me BE .


Monday, January 7, 2008


The road is blocked ,
the snow will not melt ,
at times hope
is not a very good word .
At times acceptance
of these acres of
viewless snow
is the only path
to peace .

Perhaps only this is peace .


Ramya's Kaleidoscope

Ramya , a little girl from neighborhood taught me to make a new type of Kaleidoscope,
with just three rectangular mirrors , attached at the edges to form a hollow prism .
No bangle pieces , just a hollow mirror prism . She came to learn to make an
actual kaleidoscope . We made the hollow prism and were wondering what we would do
about the missing bangle pieces .
Oh no ! I was wondering. She was already looking at the well lit curtain through it ,
while rotating the prism . The kaleidoscope was right in her eyes .......

Hexagonal patterns of flowers on the curtains swirling like
a revolving flora-fountain ...........

You too can make it , with just three mirrors .....


Contentment , consistency

Increasingly I look for
contentment , consistency
around me .

It was not so sometime ago.

Slowly , surely I am
understanding how essential
they are for peace .

Evidently , it is a combination
of many factors that builds peace .


Sunday, January 6, 2008

The word for today

The word for today
is peace ,
I close my eyes
to breathe in
peace .


Turning point

Call it turning point ,
watershed ,
point of inflexion ,
has an end and a begining
rolled into one ,
leads to an arch
wherefrom begins
another world ,
another paradigm ,
another part
of the journey .


What more can one want ?

Turn your eyes inward and down
see the earth real and rock solid ,

lift your eyes slowly , very slowly
through the roots , stems , leaves , blossoms
to the limitless endless blue of the sky ,

As your heart fills with the universe
and beyond , as far as it can go .........

Is there anythingelse that one can want ?


Saturday, January 5, 2008

A million droplets

A million droplets
showering in sunshine ,
mercurial ,
mesmerising ,
shining surfaces
like bubbles
set free ...........
right now .


In music

I wonder if anyoneelse has experienced this.
At times when inner and outer selves are in harmony ,
there is a tune which sings all by itself ,
it is in the mind ,
a bit familiar and a bit unfamiliar ,
my voice and my hands
simply follow it ,
in the air ,
and on the keyboard .


Friday, January 4, 2008

Thursday, January 3, 2008


Bitterness too is a
necessary part of life ,
helps to make it truly whole ,
that people are not what they seem
could be more because of our faulty perception ,
a situation with options ,
either alter the perception ,
or look another way .

I believe
that bitter experiences
have steep learning curves ,
so it makes sense
not to forget them ever.



Timeflow is irreversible ,
nothing ever repeats itself .
That makes it adventurous at times ,
uncertain at times ,
some ends are inevitable ,
not without silverlinings though ,
a stable , loving family makes it peaceful .


Quiet spaces

There is a need
to conserve ,
preserve ,
these quiet spaces
within ourselves
into which we can retreat
now and then .


Wednesday, January 2, 2008

In perspective

I see things in perspective ,
I see how words can
camouflage reality ,
I am glad
I see things in perspective .